A child’s self-expression becomes stronger through adult-lead prompting, and a little bit of trickery…”
Written by Kelli-Ann Oakey
Speaking what’s on your mind is a skill that needs to be taught. Believe it or not, it is not something that comes naturally to children, especially in social situations, or in the presence of adults.
Without resorting to directly saying, “Speak up, kid!” there are a few clever strategies to encourage children to share their thoughts without the internal hesitation of being right or wrong or feeling external pressure from adults.
1. Pretend Not to Know
Start small. When playing with your child, make intentional mistakes in your speech rather than quizzing them for the correct answer. This empowers your child to correct you, building their confidence as they express what they believe is right.
Don’t: “What is this animal called? What is this toy called?” Do: “Look at this zebra; he’s so colourful!”
Child: “Dad, that’s a lizard!”
You: “Oh, right! It is a lizard! Thanks for correcting me.”
2. Ponder Together
While driving or waiting in line, spark a pondering conversation without the pressure of knowing the answer. If neither of you knows, it encourages critical thinking, problem-solving, and the confidence to speak without fear of judgment.
Don’t: “No, that’s not a spaceship; that’s a paper mill.”
Do: “Whoa! A spaceship in the middle of the city! I wonder what the aliens are doing here? I think they’re trying to buy a new car. What do you think?”
3. Explore Their Reasoning
Children might have the right answer but not know why they have it. Encourage them to connect deeply with their thinking by asking, “Why do you think that?” This helps them vocalize their reasoning and builds their ability to stand by their opinions—a skill that takes frequent practice.
Don’t: “You think she slipped on a banana? No, there’s ice here, see?” Do: “Oh, a banana? I see ice on the ground, so I think she slipped on ice. Can you tell me why you think there’s a banana? What do you see?”
4. Request Their Help
Children love to help and crave the praise they receive afterward. Even better, they love helping family members. Ideally, this isn’t just with chores but with social, mechanical, or emotional problems. Asking your child for advice (within reason) builds their confidence immensely. If they see you follow through with their advice, they’ll be more inclined to share their ideas and problem-solve more often!
Don’t: “I’m just feeling grumpy today. Go play.”
Do: “I’m in a bad mood because my friend said something mean to me today. What do you think I should do?”
5. Never Assume
As adults, we often know exactly what a child is asking for based on body language, non-verbal cues, or small noises. However, it’s essential not to assume what your child needs and to encourage them
to speak up for themselves. If they don’t, the natural and logical consequence is that they don’t get what they may be asking for. If your child is still learning to speak or use the correct phrases, provide them with the language and encourage them to try again.
Don’t: “Oh, is that stuck shut? Let me open it for you.” Do: “I see the lid is stuck shut. Can you tell me what you need?”
Encouraging your child to express themselves is a gradual process, but it’s one that yields lifelong benefits. By incorporating these strategies into your daily interactions, you help your child build confidence, critical thinking, and communication skills in a way that feels natural and supportive. Remember, the goal isn’t to force your child to speak up but to create an environment where they feel comfortable and empowered to share their thoughts. With patience and consistency, you’ll see your child grow into a more expressive and self-assured individual.
Thank you Kelli for sharing this story with us. Kelli is the founder of SAYY Academy. Drawing upon her experience and training, Founder Kelli-Ann Oakey has crafted SAYY Academy’s distinctive methodology for Early Communication skills. Recognizing the scarcity of programs that focus on developing the fundamental aspects of fluent communication, SAYY Academy was established to meet the needs of children and families seeking this specialized skill set. Kelli’s vision is to empower children to thrive both externally and internally, fostering self-awareness, self-assurance, and self-responsibility through confidence and a strong sense of character.
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